Anxiety the word doesn’t sound that bad-How I got mine under control and you can to -sandraviews

Hello and Welcome back to my Blog page sandraviews ,in which I share my own view on the World.

Today I wanted to talk to you about a subject that I am hearing about more and more these days, it has affected me in the past and still does on occasion and it has affected my family and friends.

Anxiety- the word its self doesn’t sound that serious , but if you are the person who is suffering the Anxiety attack or Panic attack as some people refer to it as, I can assure you it is very serious.

It is a feeling of overwhelming fear, being completely out of control of the situation and a fear of the unknown. It makes you physically ill and unable to carry out everyday normal duties. It stops you from eating or sleeping, makes you not wish or to be unable to socialise and even in extreme cases makes you unable to leave the house. It is all consuming. To the point that it takes over your every thought and action.

There are medications you can take that do help, but I feel that a more organic solution is required to keep it under control and to put things into perspective.

When I have had bad episodes of Anxiety and Panic attacks In the past, I have talked it through with Family and  Good Friends, friends who I still have today, they stuck by me and listened, tried to help as best they could and never ridiculed me . Not everyone understands and the” get a grip”, conversations help nobody.

Secondly I have taken physical action to override my Anxiety,

I personally took to walking, I would walk and walk until I felt calm. While I was walking, rather than think about what was bothering me I would try and take in the nature I had previously passed by and enjoy it. I would look at the wildlife and farm animals, the woods and the wild flowers and soak up their energy. Now I know you think this sounds all a bit Hippy, but it is amazing how calming it is and having that bit of time everyday just to walk and think, look and enjoy, gave me chance to recover.

The other thing and the one I would like to share with you today , is the one that no matter where you live, what your physical state is or your area of living, is the one thing you can do straight away to take back action.

This one thing will give you the power to control your Anxiety, to put it in the box it needs to go into and to rationalise why you feel the way you do. Nobody can do that for you. You need to take action to do it yourself.

What is this Magic thing?


that’s it very simple Write.

Write… I cant say it enough, if you write you physically put on paper the ideas that come into your head, it helps you to see in words what is bothering you, how you feel and what it is doing to your life.

This can start with a simple list, write down in one list everything that you feel has gone wrong, everything you fear, everything you would like to change, you get the idea. Then you can physically see it.

The next step is to write about each section in as much detail as possible, see if you can write down the worst you think it could be and where you actually are now. That way you will see that you are actually and probably a million miles away from your worst fear.

Now I know I write a blog and share things on here, but opening your worst and very personal feelings to the world is not something you are probably not  going to jump up and down with joy at the prospect for doing. So I suggest you just write just for You now and not to share with anyone else. Keep it as a private extension of your everyday being, your thoughts as they happen, your wishes for the future and how you are going to take back control over your life, and you will, trust me , you will. And to help you do this , I am going to say here and now , if I can help , let me know, I might not know the answer, but ask anyway.

I write this blog, about many things to do with family, getting older, health, you name it and im on it. Now I know that writing a blog and sharing it with the World is not everyone cup of tea, in fact it would probably cause Anxiety for some people. I on the other hand feel that if something I write, puts it in perspective for me and helps someone else do the same thing along the way, then it is worth doing.

So if you feel you can, start to write a blog, there are plenty of YouTube and Google articles that will help you to start one up. It really isn’t that hard to do.

To get you started I would suggest you maybe keep a diary, where you write in everyday, write about how you feel that day, what are you hoping to achieve and set yourself a goal, even if it is just to cut the grass or sit in the garden and read a chapter of a book. Or even to just get out of bed that day. What ever it is and what ever stage you are at , it doesn’t matter

By writing it down you have acknowledged it and as such you have started your recovery. You are on that first step back to normality. You can do this.

You could use a Diary as I have said, or write on a safe private page on your computer, put sheets into a clip folder, it doesn’t really matter. Just do it and do it every day.

You will start to notice , that as the days and weeks go by, you will be writing more and other things will start to happen in your life. It will take time , but you will start to gain back some control over your life once more and start to get better. It took me a year of walking to fully feel back in control, on the plus side I lost 4 stone as well.

As you get into your writing you may feel, like me, that what you are learning about yourself and your anxiety and how you are coping , may in fact help someone else. So then I suggest you start a blog or  you could even write a book about your journey and publish it on Amazon. You don’t have to have certificates behind you to do good in this World, sometimes you have to experience these things to truly see the wood for the trees.

The whole part of Anxiety is the feeling of being out of control, so by doing this one small thing, you are taking back control. Whats the worst that could happen? you will have a book that is full of your ideas and thoughts, feelings and ideas, how can that be a bad thing?

So come on . Take Action , do it now, grab a book and a pen, don’t think about what to write, nobody is judging you on content , grammar or spelling ( thank goodness for auto correct I say). In fact nobody is going to see this except you. So give it a go.

Let me know how you get on. I am interested to hear your ideas on how you are managing your Anxiety, you might even be able to help me.

Good Luck, please subscribe to receive  more posts like this and on lots of other subjects as well. Share it across your Social Media, every little helps to spread the word. Take Care

Sandra xxxx

Disclaimer- all the ideas and suggestions in this post are my own, I am not qualified in any way in mental health issues, I only talk of my own experiences. Please always seek the help of professional medical people if you are suffering from Anxiety problems. There are no guarantee that what I suggest will help you to recover from your anxiety feelings, I am only passing on my experiences.


10 simple ideas on how to communicate with someone who has Alzheimer’s

Hello and Welcome to my latest Blog post

as many of you will know now, I write regular articles around living with my Mum who has Alzheimer’s and how it affect both me and my family and of course how it affects my Mum.

Life changes when something like this happens in your life, it is never going to be the same and neither are they.

Its cruel and unforgiving, confusing and disturbing

I noticed that Mum was becoming more and more agitated, confused and upset over things. She was truly believing things that where not happening and becoming distressed because of it. She would do things repetitively over and over again, things that made no sense to me . She constantly thinks things belong to someone else and they want them back, things like bedding and clothes. So she is constantly packing things away into bundles. Its so hard.

As her mind is breaking down with the condition, her short term memory is deteriorating and it is harder for her to remember even the smallest of things that have just happened.

So here is my list of 10 ways to make communication easier

1/ Write small notes and post them onto Windows, Doors and Cupboards as prompts to help them to remember. Things like “Don’t forget your Keys”, “Lock up before you go out”, “turn the oven off”, they are all small prompts for the everyday things we take for granted, but they are now struggling with.

2/Get outside Agencies involved with putting in safety alarms to the doors, key safe outside for carers to use to gain access, safety devices to wear around their necks in case of falls, so they can call for help. All of these things will help them to remain in their own homes for as long as possible and give them as much independence and choices as possible, while still making sure they are safe in their own home.

3/Don’t contradict them when they get something wrong in a conversation. If you do it will only add to the confusion and make them agitated, as they realise they have got something wrong again. Instead try and go along with the flow of conversation and gradually guide them back into the correct way of thinking or the correct situation. So it is done in a natural manner and they will then except this and not become upset thinking they have got it wrong again.

4/Because the short term memory is the first thing to go with Alzheimer’s, I find talking about the past is easier and gives them more comfort than trying to talk about things that have just happened. Use photos as prompts and things that have been around them and are familiar. Bringing in new items  can cause confusion, as they are to new and they haven’t got any connection with them, so they cant remember where they came from or why they have them.

5/Keep information simple and break things down into small steps. It is easier to cope with things when they are broken down into small, easy to understand steps. and continue to repeat actions until they become familiar. Keeping a routine helps for this.

6/Don’t ask questions that require them to give detailed answers. Such as “what did you have for Breakfast?”, instead change that sentence into “Have you eaten today?”. It is easier for them to answer “have you   eaten today?” as it isn’t as much to understand and the instruction or question is easier to answer and doesn’t require as much thought.

7/Change how you talk to them and what you are saying. Try to give verbal prompts such as instead of saying “look who is this ?” say things like “look, here is your Grandson, Blake, he has come to see you”. That is giving them a chance to be ready to join in with the conversation and to recognise the person who comes into the immediate circle of people. It is helping them to understand that someone else is going to be joining the conversation and to give them a verbal prompt as to who it is and hopefully alleviate any upset when they don’t remember a persons name or who they are.

8/Us outings and activities to change the environment they are living in and to help them gain new experiences to stimulate the brain and keep things in perspective for them.

9/Try to reassure them that what is happening is not them being daft or stupid. Its hard for them to understand why they are getting things wrong and they can become emotional and feel that they are always wrong and inadequate.

10/ always remember who they where before this illness robbed them of their memory, and try not to become frustrated and angry with them. Getting cross with them will  only add to the confusion and make things worse. If things are becoming to much for you and you feel it is to upsetting to watch your love one like this, give yourself some time off and allow others to help. Its hard to always be the supportive one , allow others to support and help you.

I am writing these posts as a way to help myself and the things I am going through with my Mother. I am not qualified or hold any kind of certificate making me a professional in any way. I am learning as I go along, just like you. Please feel free to ask me any questions in the box below. I will always reply. I cant promise I will have an answer , but I have ears and I will happily listen. Because sometimes that’s all that is needed.

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Dealing with your Parents Behaviour because of Alzheimer’s -its difficult

What’s the hardest thing you will find when dealing with your parents Alzheimer’s or Dementia condition?

Mine is Unpredictability

I never know what I will find when I go to see my Mum. Everyday I pull into the car park at the Care Home, with a little bit of uncertainty because I never know what place mum will be in when I get there – mentally I mean

Todays visit was fine, we had a good old chat and a laugh. Not quite old mum but good enough for me today.Mum is suffering yet another water infection so her confusion is heightened , but at least she is on the Antibiotics again, so that helps to settle things down. This is the third infection since Christmas, they never seem to completely go. This latest infection has bounced straight off the last one, but we had to wait for the previous lot to clear her system before we could start again. This meant we had a passage of time where mum wasn’t on medication and the latest infection was taking hold. This meant that mum was more confused than normal and makes her shake, go very pale and feel frightened and vulnerable, as she doesn’t and cant comprehend what is going on.

It must be terrible for her at that “Moment in Time”.

I enforce “Moment in Time” for a reason

A couple of days ago I visited Mum when she was at this ” moment in time”. She wasn’t in the main lounge when I got there and one of the carers said she wasn’t having a good day and was in her room.

So off I went, with the frame of mind, I would cheer her up.

She was in a terrible place mentally. She was white, shaky and very , very cross- with ME.

I can honestly say, I have never in my life heard mum shout at me before, not even when I was a child. But WOW did she that day.

She accused me of Dumping her there to Rot, and I was to Go and get on with my life, as that is what I wanted. Leave her to rot alone.

I tried to settle her, but nothing worked. She continued to shout at me and tell me to “Get out”

When I looked around the room, I could see all the photo’s of Dad, where faced down and on the bottom of the Wardrobe. When I asked mum why she said ” well he wasn’t very nice to me when he was here, so im not being nice to him now. He can live in the Wardrobe”.

Now when I read this back and when I recalled it to my Aunty , she roared laughing. I can see it is funny now, but at the time it was terrible. I could see how upset she was, with everything around her and couldn’t make it better. This was not my mum, she would never shout or rock the boat in these situations, she was always calm and in control.

I tried to get her to come for a cup of tea, but NO she wasn’t having any of it. So I got up to leave. I went chatting to one of the carers who I knew, a few of them knew Mum before her illness and we all grew up together as children. I was explaining what had happened to her and she said ” as your Mum progresses into her Alzheimer’s, she will forget about her House being Home and will stop asking to go back. She will settle here”.

This is such a strange thing, it was both upsetting to hear and comforting at the same time.

Mum then came into the Lounge and was still shouting at me to go, so I left, in floods of tears. I got down to the car park, but I couldn’t  drive, I couldn’t even see, let alone drive.

I called my brothers to give them a heads up, In case they where going to visit that night. and to warn them that she might still be in this frame of mind.

Later after work my younger brother called in, and he found Mum sat in the Lounge, enjoying a cuppa and laughing with her friends. When he asked her if I had been to visit that day , she said ” Oh No , she must be busy today”


So you see although I was devastated and it affected me all that day , for Mum it was “Just a Moment in Time” and thankfully she has no memory of it at all.

Note to myself- try and see the bigger picture and don’t take it personal. Easier said than done.

Take Care Sandra XX

You are Not Alone- lets help each other when dealing with Alzheimer’s and Dementia

I have started this section in my blog-SandraViews- as I believe that as we reach our 50’s and older, lots of us, including me, are unfortunately having to deal with our parents who are suffering the horrendous condition’s called Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Maybe its because we are all living longer now, or other reasons, that  I don’t know off, but we are hearing of more and more people who have one or the other condition.

So here goes- here is my story so far

My Father died in 2016 with Vascular Dementia, he had it for around 3 to 4 years, but with Mum and Dad being together they sort of muddled through and it was only towards the last 6 to 12 months of Dad’s life, did we start to see major problems in his care. He had other medical condition’s as well and would often have falls. It was after one of these falls that he broke his wrist. This had the effect of sending his Vascular Dementia spiralling downwards and he died 6 weeks later, never leaving Hospital.


Mum had already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s before Dad died and the two of them sort of made  one whole if you understand what I mean. They managed in their own way to get by, with help from family and carers who we had coming in ( not that they lasted long when Dad was alive, as he sacked them more often then not)

So when Dad died in March 2016 , Mums problems enlightened and  we had to get Carers in once again. I work as a Childminder, and to help out with Mum’s care, I gave up caring for babies in the daytime and just settled to before and after School children. Which is still what I am doing now.

We managed to get the full support financially for Mum and used it to pay for her Carers and to get her into a Day Centre once a week. This was great as it gave her company, stimulation and it also gave me a day free to fit in other appointments , shopping and things like that. Knowing that she was safe, was a great relief.

Things went along for a while, but the condition becomes worse with time and mum began to get worse. So in December , after a stay in Hospital, it was decided that Mum would go into a Care Home and this is where she is now.

So I have and am living with these conditions everyday , and if you are reading this, then maybe you have a relative who is going through the same thing.

You Are Not Alone

I don’t claim to be anyway an Authority in the subject, I don’t have any kind of Degree or Certificate of Knowledge or specialised training. I am learning as I go along, just like you. I am gaining experience as I go along, by having to deal with the situation and the effects it has on the whole family as well as my Mum.

If anything I have to say helps you in anyway, then I feel my time writing this has not been wasted.

Also you might have gone through similar things with your family , so you might be able to help me along this bumpy road. Please feel free to comment bellow if anything I write strikes a chord with you. These are just my interpretations and feelings that I am sharing, so you may even disagree with what I am saying- and that’s fine. Because the first thing I have learned is that there is no Right or Wrong way to deal with situations like this. Everybody is affected differently.

My Blog is aimed at Ladies 45 upwards and everything we love, hate, need and want in our lives. This section is a bit of therapy for me as much as anything else. A place to rant and moan, laugh and cry……..

I am one of three children, I have a younger Brother who works away all week and a older Brother who deals with all the financial side of things for Mum, so it is up to me to do all the everyday type things and deal with them as they happen.

So writing this is a way for me to put things into perspective, what I write will be things that are happening in my life with Mum right now. And how it makes me feel, so expect a few laughs and a few tears along the way- its going to be an emotional ride.

If there are things I haven’t covered as this section grows, it may be just because I haven’t written it down yet, so ask me and I will do my best to cover it.

Please remember this isn’t some kind of ” Way to go”thing, its more of a “How I have stumbled through it ” ramblings.

So read the posts that are for YOU right now and please take a moment to look at the other pages in my blog as well- if nothing else Life Goes On and it a good distraction .

Take Care

Sandra xxx

Loneliness – It affects us all- Lets End It Here

Today 31st January 2017 a Commission on Loneliness is being put forward to the Government.

It was started by a politician called Jo Cox, a serving member of the British Labour Party for Batley and Spen, who was tragically murdered on the 16th June 2016. She was shot and stabbed multiple times .This was the first killing of a serving MP since 1990.

Jo believed passionately about the people she worked for and was campaigning to bring awareness of Loneliness and how it has terrible affects on the people who suffer from it.

Loneliness can affect any age, any gender and any does not care if you are a Millionaire or struggling to make ends meet.

It is the Silent Epidemic that affects us all at some time.

When I was in my 20’s I found myself alone bringing up three boys, all small and in School, needing attention and affection.
My marriage had ended after 13 years and I was on my own.
I had a good family who supported me all they could and I had a good circle of friends.
But I was so Lonely. It is hard to understand how someone with people around them can be lonely, they put a brave face on things and get on with the everyday world of working and caring for their children, going about the everyday routine.
But when the door closes and the curtains are drawn, the loneliness pops out its ugly head. Everyone thinks you are strong and you are coping , but sometimes you are not.

We are all so busy getting on with our everyday lives that we don’t see the person behind the smile.

That is just one face of Loneliness, there are many more

The Child who finds it hard to mix because they are painfully shy, or bullied at School, or a Carer for their Parents at home.
Or the Elderly person who may not see anyone from one day to the next.

These are just a few examples, we all could give more.
It is widespread and everywhere.
But we can all do something about it and we can do it now.

Pick up the phone and ring that person you haven’t seen around lately, or that relative you haven’t seen for a while and always mean to call.
Knock on the elderly neighbours door and see if they need anything or just pop in for a ten minute chat.

The Little Things Do Matter

Jo Cox’s Sister Kim Leadbetter is now taking up the challenge her Sister started and is helping to bring about the Commission on Loneliness.

I personally wish her lots of luck and hope we all get behind her on this cause.

Here is to our future.
We all deserve to be needed and nobody should be left to be lonely for long, before people begin to take notice. More needs to be done.
And in Jo’s memory her Sister Kim will and is leading the way.

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please leave comments bellow, l love to know your thoughts on this subject  and feel free to share this post so all can be aware.

Sandra xxa

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